Sometimes (most of the time!) when I am waiting on the Lord, it seems like I am waiting IMPATIENTLY instead of PATIENTLY. It's like I'm telling Him that I'll wait on Him but He'd better be gettin' a move on. I'm waiting for Him to work His will in the lives of the believers but He sure is taking His time about it....I am not quick enough to notice and appreciate His patience with me. I don't seem to expect Him to be patient and longsuffering with others. I forget that the mercy He shows me is also the mercy He shows each and every one of His elect.
All of you who read this blog know of the struggle I have with forgiveness. God has convicted my heart again and again to teach me that I must forgive those who offend me. I finally was able to forgive some longstanding hurts and now that I have reached the other side of that particular struggle, guess what? I have caught myself judging others who are refusing to forgive me and my church family. Praise God for the Holy Spirit! Just when I get to feeling all righteous about FINALLY submitting to God, the Holy Spirit chimes and reminds me how many years I refused to submit to the Lord's calling to forgive. He reminds me that He has done ALL of the work of cleansing my heart of that particular sinful action, that nothing I can do would ever bring me to the point of repentance.
I have been thinking of this a lot because of an upcoming wedding. My dear, dear friend will be there. She has cut off communication with me. I know that my stupid, clumsy actions caused the break. I know that God convicted my heart to say the things I said but now I need to always remember that He uses even our feeble efforts to either bring His elect to Him or drive those away who do not belong to Him. I need to be reminded just how long it took me to come to repentance on the issue of forgiveness and to remember that God is never finished with those who are His elect and called according to His purpose. I need to remember that, as was the case with me, there will be NO rest for those dear ones until they do forgive the offences that happened in the past. My bible says that if I do not forgive my brothers and sisters, I will not be forgiven by my Lord. That scares me. It convicts my heart. It causes me to cry out to my Father, "Please continue the work You have begun in me. Please make me entirely Yours! Please cleanse my heart of all bitterness and hatred and help me to forgive!"
I want to be there with my love and joy shining out of my eyes when God brings those dear ones to repentance. I want to enfold them in my arms and tell them how dearly I love them. I want to see our fellowship restored. However, if this is not God's will for us, I will wait patiently for Him and I will remember that "all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose". All things, even salvation or destruction are for our good and His glory.
I am excited about this wedding, though the parents of the bride are so angry with our congregation. I pray that it will be a blessed day for them and for their daughter, as our daughter's wedding was for all of us. I hope that God will show me a way through to reconciliation with them. I pray that healing might begin there. But I will wait patiently on the Lord and will be loving and longsuffering through real and imagined slights.
By the way, if you see me railing against someone, remind me of this post!
Till next time....
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Waiting on the Lord
On Sunday we had the best sermon on waiting on the Lord and allowing Him to work his will with patience. I am not good at that. I get so impatient with my circumstances, with my family and with myself. I get angry easily and want things to change instantly. Just ask my husband. Since I married him, I have watched several employers take advantage of his patience and perseverance and he just keeps plugging away, doing his job to the best of his ability. It doesn't matter to him whether his boss ever appreciates him, he still does his best. I am trying to be that way but too many times I lose my temper or want to retaliate for wrongs done to me. He doesn't do that. He gets up in the morning, gets dressed, and goes to work every day whether he likes the work or not. He puts in a full day to finish the job, whether he is being treated fairly by his boss or not.
His most recent job was a prime example of this. He worked as a backhoe operator for almost 5 years, putting in septic systems. He hated it. He was always getting yelled at by his boss and sometimes by the customers because of things that were beyond his control. During the time he worked there he saw other employees getting pay raises, when he got none, he saw others being treated with a modicum of respect when he wasn't respected at all by his boss. During all of this time he kept looking and looking for another job in his chosen profession of ranching. There was always a door closed on every opportunity. He applied for the job he has now back in February or March of this year and another person was hired at that time. He went back to work digging holes, and was told that he would have to start working overtime hours but "bank" them and use them as vacation days. In other words, comp time. He was told to use materials that had already been used and the customers were charged full price for these items. He would come home and tell me these things and I didn't know how to help him so I ended up nagging him a lot. Still he was patient and still he worked his hardest for this company.
He got a call back on the job he had applied for way back and was hired on the spot. He went to work the next day and gave his two week notice. There were a lot of people telling him he should just quit and not give the courtesy of the two week notice, but that is not my husband. He gave his notice and went to work faithfully every day and at the end of the two weeks, left with great relief.
I have seen my husband behave this way for nearly 27 years. He has treated every one of his employers in the same fashion. He has dealt honorably with them even when they haven't treated him in the same way. It has taken me almost all of that 27 years and a lot of listening to the faithful preaching of the gospel to come to the point where I am trying to deal with my own rebelliousness (did I spell that correctly?) and learning to wait patiently on the Lord. How easy that sounds and how hard it is for my wayward heart to submit to that. But God has given me an example to follow in my Lord and Savior and an earthly example in my husband. I pray that He will continue the work He has started in my heart and that I can patiently wait on the Lord's will for me. God is good and He always finishes the work He starts in His elect.
Till next time...
His most recent job was a prime example of this. He worked as a backhoe operator for almost 5 years, putting in septic systems. He hated it. He was always getting yelled at by his boss and sometimes by the customers because of things that were beyond his control. During the time he worked there he saw other employees getting pay raises, when he got none, he saw others being treated with a modicum of respect when he wasn't respected at all by his boss. During all of this time he kept looking and looking for another job in his chosen profession of ranching. There was always a door closed on every opportunity. He applied for the job he has now back in February or March of this year and another person was hired at that time. He went back to work digging holes, and was told that he would have to start working overtime hours but "bank" them and use them as vacation days. In other words, comp time. He was told to use materials that had already been used and the customers were charged full price for these items. He would come home and tell me these things and I didn't know how to help him so I ended up nagging him a lot. Still he was patient and still he worked his hardest for this company.
He got a call back on the job he had applied for way back and was hired on the spot. He went to work the next day and gave his two week notice. There were a lot of people telling him he should just quit and not give the courtesy of the two week notice, but that is not my husband. He gave his notice and went to work faithfully every day and at the end of the two weeks, left with great relief.
I have seen my husband behave this way for nearly 27 years. He has treated every one of his employers in the same fashion. He has dealt honorably with them even when they haven't treated him in the same way. It has taken me almost all of that 27 years and a lot of listening to the faithful preaching of the gospel to come to the point where I am trying to deal with my own rebelliousness (did I spell that correctly?) and learning to wait patiently on the Lord. How easy that sounds and how hard it is for my wayward heart to submit to that. But God has given me an example to follow in my Lord and Savior and an earthly example in my husband. I pray that He will continue the work He has started in my heart and that I can patiently wait on the Lord's will for me. God is good and He always finishes the work He starts in His elect.
Till next time...
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The End of an Era
Yesterday, I went to a memorial service for a dear friend's father. When I was growing up this friend, who is two years older than I, was my hero. She was smart, pretty, she could ride her horse better than a lot of the boys I knew and she was always so kind to a younger girl with a case of hero worship. She had a brother who was a year younger than I and he died in a car wreck in 1980, the fall after I graduated from high school. I never knew my friend's dad very well. He always seemed larger than life to me but I watched his daughter and sort of formed an opinion of him because of her actions. She was our county fair queen one year!
My husband and I married in November of 1982 and my friend married her husband in the summer of 1983. She moved to the mountains to ranch with her husband and raise her family and I didn't see her much after that. She brought her children out to our county fair so that they could see what it was like. After that I heard that she was having some pretty harsh struggles of her own. I prayed for her whenever she would come to mind and seeing her yesterday was a true blessing. She told me that she had divorced her husband and she is ranching on her own and taking care of her children on her own. I know that she would absolutely not have divorced her husband without thinking of the cost to her family. Like my sister, she tried long beyond the time when others would have stopped trying. Now she is rebuilding her life. She is still beautiful, still bright and sunny and still doing for others. She told about singing to her father as he was dying to ease his passing. I don't know the state of her spiritual life but I do know how I love her and am glad to see her doing well.
I'm looking at the title of this blog and wondering whether I got off the track of what I really wanted to talk about. I was thinking that the end of an era was the dying of my friend's father. I see this generation of men dying and it is the end of an era. This way of life on the plains of Eastern Colorado is a way of life that we love, ranching, farming, neighbors helping neighbors, all of those thing seem to be passing away. But as one era dies, God brings about new and better things. While as humans we mourn it, we also need to remember that God is in control of all things and does nothing by chance. In the fullness of His time, He brought the Gentiles to Him, He sent His only son to die for us so that we could be saved, He provides all things for His people. Now that I look back at this blog, I don't think I got off track. Things change. But God always has a plan and a purpose and His plan is perfect. His will is perfect. He is perfecting me in all ways at all times.
Till next time.....
Saturday, June 27, 2009
A Tired Soul
Have you ever felt that way? That you are so everlastingly tired, your brain doesn't want to function, you wonder if you can even put one foot in front of the other? I have at several trying times in my life. I remember when my husband and I gave birth to our stillborn daughter. It seemed so hard to get up in the morning, to go on with my days when I had so looked forward to the birth of this little one. I cried so many tears that sometimes I wondered whether I would have any left. I think that "a tired soul" is a good way to describe this feeling. You are in such a place that you don't know if God is there anymore. Your faith is at a low ebb and you wonder whether you will ever have that sweet communion with the Lord again. You feel that no one understands what you are going through. The only thing you can do is cling to those promises from the bible and sometimes you just go through the day reciting one that helps over and over because that is the only thing that brings comfort. For me it was this one; "For all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose". I would say that verse to myself 100 times a day, every time I would cry I would say it again and again until the tears subsided.
When you are going through a time of having a tired soul, remember that God is with you always and He will be there even when you don't "feel" Him there. He will bring you through to the other side. He is faithful. Rest in Him. Praise God!
Till next time......
When you are going through a time of having a tired soul, remember that God is with you always and He will be there even when you don't "feel" Him there. He will bring you through to the other side. He is faithful. Rest in Him. Praise God!
Till next time......
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Leaving and Cleaving
The bible tells us that we are to leave our fathers and mothers and cleave one to another when we marry. Last weekend was a wonderful celebration of that command and the fruit of it. There is a couple in our congregation who have been married for 40 YEARS. What a blessing to celebrate with them and to see the lives that they have touched and to see their children and grandchildren. What a blessing to have them at church with us on Sunday and to have the opportunity to worship our loving God with them. What a great joy for us! All of their children and grandchildren were able to be there.
This year would have been the 50th year of my parents' marriage if they hadn't divorced. It is truly a blessing for me to see a marriage modeled on Biblical principles. It was wonderful to hear their daughter speak of the commitment that this wonderful couple had to each other. In this day when divorce is commonplace, a marriage like theirs is a joy to behold. I pray that God will continue to work in my own marriage and build and strengthen it. I pray the same for my children. God is good!
Till next time...
This year would have been the 50th year of my parents' marriage if they hadn't divorced. It is truly a blessing for me to see a marriage modeled on Biblical principles. It was wonderful to hear their daughter speak of the commitment that this wonderful couple had to each other. In this day when divorce is commonplace, a marriage like theirs is a joy to behold. I pray that God will continue to work in my own marriage and build and strengthen it. I pray the same for my children. God is good!
Till next time...
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The Value of Church Discipline
Several months ago a group of "dissenters" were allowed to leave our congregation without being reconciled with our body. This was not a decision that was made at our local level but at the classical level. Yesterday I ran into a lovely lady who attends the congregation that these "dissenters" joined with after leaving us. She asked me where I was attending church now (she had apparently assumed that I would have left that body for another) and when I told her I was still attending there she got a very funny look on her face and said, "Oh". I didn't know how to respond because I know that she has heard a LOT of hurtful things about that body and so I just let it go. She didn't say anything negative but the look on her face spoke volumes. I wanted to tell her not to believe everything she had heard from these people but she didn't say anything, it was the look on her face.
What does that have to do with church discipline? The ultimate goal of the discipline of believers is reconciliation and because these "dissenters" never had to reconcile, their attitude has never changed. Reconciliation causes a change in the heart. Once I have reconciled with someone I can't look at them in the same way. I can no longer hold their offences against them. It may be a long process, as it was with my father, but it is oh, so very restful in the end. Am I to the point that I will never hold a grudge again? No, but I know that the Lord is working in my heart to soften it and to bring me to repentance. (Hey, it only took me two weeks to forgive the person who wronged my sister!) Sometimes it is a gentle rebuke that brings us to repentance but sometimes it can only come throught the firm hand of God chastening us through church discipline. We must remember to always pray for our elders and our pastors, our classis and our synod leadership! We must pray that God will give to them the courage to do those things for which He has ordained them. We must be diligent to be thankful for their watch care over us! Theirs is not an easy task! Praise God for them!
Till next time...
Monday, May 4, 2009
The Joys of Fellowship
Fellowship...What a blessed word for one of the happiest blessings from our Heavenly Father. It's that communion with fellow believers. If you have it you know what I'm talking about, if you don't I pray that God will grant it to you.
We had a ladies' luncheon on Saturday with the ladies of our church. What a blessing. It was in the home of a lady who I watched grow up on the ranch. She married a young man from our congregation (we watched him grow up as well!) and now they have a little one and another on the way. I had a tear or two looking at the beautiful home she has made for her family and seeing her husband out working while she entertained us. I remember holding her when she was a baby and now she is having children of her own! That is one of the blessings of fellowship. God has allowed that with each of us who attend our church. My friends are now holding my grandchild and I get to hold theirs. I have watched our dear friends take custody of their granddaughter after a long court battle and the day the little one was baptized was one of the happiest days our congregation has had. I know that she felt the same way when my precious son-in-law and grandson were baptized and when my son was confirmed. I know that everyone in that body feels those feelings that I feel. They truly share my joy and my sorrow. Just as I share their joys and their sorrows. It's as my friend said, even our earthly families don't share the joy we feel on those occasions the way our brothers and sisters in Christ do. They have a hard time understanding it but my church family knows!
I share fellowship with my coworkers but it is never the same. It is a much shallower fellowship. Sometimes I feel that the only real day of the week is Sunday! I know that that is selfish and that the Lord uses my interactions with others at work to further His kingdom. A couple of weeks ago I had a verbal altercation with another coworker. It was one of those foolish things that should have never escalated to the point it did. That was partly my responsibility. I talked to my principal about it and realized that she is so right, the person I argued with has another issue that she is deeply unhappy about and the issue we argued about had nothing to do with it. Last year during the school year the board decided to do away with an annuity that this person recieved and since that time she is unhappy with nearly every aspect of her job. There are several who are reacting in that manner to that decision and they make themselves miserable at work and I'm sure at home. I was falling into that behavior as well. Another coworker has made some pretty serious allegations about my sister and her custodial coworkers. It really doesn't matter that the allegations are false to him or the group he runs with, he feels like he is justified because the others in his little clique are egging him on. That is the trouble with those types of fellowship. I know that if I shared these situations with my church family they would encourage me to forgive and trust the Lord that He is doing these things for my good and His glory. And I know that He is. For about 2 weeks in there I was angry and bitter and I could feel it coloring the way I interacted with my coworkers. Then my sister reminded me that God is in this situation and therefore it will turn out according to His will and that is never bad for us!
That is true fellowship; one believer reminding another that God is always in control and not a hair can fall from my head without His providential will. If that dear lady at work had someone in her life to remind her of that maybe she wouldn't be so angry. Maybe God will give me the opportunity to be that person for her, and for others at work.
A dear friend told me recently that our submission is never to be blind (this is the reasoning for not submitting to those God has put in positions of authority over us). I guess that is true in a sense but when I have discussed a situation with my husband and he says no, I must submit. When I lose a benefit at work and the school board says it will not come back, I need to submit. When a governing body of a church says no, I must submit. If I don't I am ultimately refusing to submit to God and that is not a light thing. What does that have to do with fellowship? You can't have fellowship without submitting to one another. My heart grieves for those of our body who left the body because of their anger and unwillingness to submit but I must submit to that as well. I know that God has a plan and a purpose for all of that and that He will accomplish His will. He uses all circumstances to soften our hearts and bring us to repentance or to harden our hearts to destruction and His will is good in every case. Amen.
Till next time...
We had a ladies' luncheon on Saturday with the ladies of our church. What a blessing. It was in the home of a lady who I watched grow up on the ranch. She married a young man from our congregation (we watched him grow up as well!) and now they have a little one and another on the way. I had a tear or two looking at the beautiful home she has made for her family and seeing her husband out working while she entertained us. I remember holding her when she was a baby and now she is having children of her own! That is one of the blessings of fellowship. God has allowed that with each of us who attend our church. My friends are now holding my grandchild and I get to hold theirs. I have watched our dear friends take custody of their granddaughter after a long court battle and the day the little one was baptized was one of the happiest days our congregation has had. I know that she felt the same way when my precious son-in-law and grandson were baptized and when my son was confirmed. I know that everyone in that body feels those feelings that I feel. They truly share my joy and my sorrow. Just as I share their joys and their sorrows. It's as my friend said, even our earthly families don't share the joy we feel on those occasions the way our brothers and sisters in Christ do. They have a hard time understanding it but my church family knows!
I share fellowship with my coworkers but it is never the same. It is a much shallower fellowship. Sometimes I feel that the only real day of the week is Sunday! I know that that is selfish and that the Lord uses my interactions with others at work to further His kingdom. A couple of weeks ago I had a verbal altercation with another coworker. It was one of those foolish things that should have never escalated to the point it did. That was partly my responsibility. I talked to my principal about it and realized that she is so right, the person I argued with has another issue that she is deeply unhappy about and the issue we argued about had nothing to do with it. Last year during the school year the board decided to do away with an annuity that this person recieved and since that time she is unhappy with nearly every aspect of her job. There are several who are reacting in that manner to that decision and they make themselves miserable at work and I'm sure at home. I was falling into that behavior as well. Another coworker has made some pretty serious allegations about my sister and her custodial coworkers. It really doesn't matter that the allegations are false to him or the group he runs with, he feels like he is justified because the others in his little clique are egging him on. That is the trouble with those types of fellowship. I know that if I shared these situations with my church family they would encourage me to forgive and trust the Lord that He is doing these things for my good and His glory. And I know that He is. For about 2 weeks in there I was angry and bitter and I could feel it coloring the way I interacted with my coworkers. Then my sister reminded me that God is in this situation and therefore it will turn out according to His will and that is never bad for us!
That is true fellowship; one believer reminding another that God is always in control and not a hair can fall from my head without His providential will. If that dear lady at work had someone in her life to remind her of that maybe she wouldn't be so angry. Maybe God will give me the opportunity to be that person for her, and for others at work.
A dear friend told me recently that our submission is never to be blind (this is the reasoning for not submitting to those God has put in positions of authority over us). I guess that is true in a sense but when I have discussed a situation with my husband and he says no, I must submit. When I lose a benefit at work and the school board says it will not come back, I need to submit. When a governing body of a church says no, I must submit. If I don't I am ultimately refusing to submit to God and that is not a light thing. What does that have to do with fellowship? You can't have fellowship without submitting to one another. My heart grieves for those of our body who left the body because of their anger and unwillingness to submit but I must submit to that as well. I know that God has a plan and a purpose for all of that and that He will accomplish His will. He uses all circumstances to soften our hearts and bring us to repentance or to harden our hearts to destruction and His will is good in every case. Amen.
Till next time...
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