Happy Birthday (the Joy of Reconciliation)

Today would have been my dad's 72nd birthday. Or as he would have said, "the 43rd anniversary of my 29th birthday". My dad was raised by a crusty old German who had a lot of trouble getting along with people. My grandpa and siblings spent most of their adult lives feuding with each other. He knew one way to deal with misbehavior and that was with a strong cuff to the face or head. My dad loathed his dad. He spent most of his life trying to be the opposite of Grandpa. Usually though, the older we become the more like that person we become and that was true of my dad, at least on the surface. He always talked about how foolish my grandpa was when it came to the management of his cowherd. Grandpa would sell all of his best cows because he made more money from them and keep the culls. It took my dad years to build his herd back into one to be proud of. But as he neared the end of his life, in his desperation to make ranching work for him, he did the same thing. My dad could also hold a grudge along with the most stubborn of Germans!

There were a lot of things my dad did while I was growing up and on into adulthood that offended me. I was angry with him for so many years. We had many confrontations and for several years our meetings were filled with tension and anger just below the surface. I always felt that he never loved me enough. I resented that and when he divorced my mother I was so angry with him. I always felt that my behavior and actions were judged very harshly and here he had broken up our family! I even had nightmares about the situation and in my dreams I unleashed all of my anger in violence and retribution.

I am so very thankful that God convicted me to persevere in that relationship. I used to wish for a different dad, one who was a Christian. I came to realize that just being raised in a Christian family doesn't mean that you had a happy childhood. I had a dear friend whose children blamed him for so much that had gone wrong in their family. He was in the second half of his life when I met him and I saw first hand the regret he felt for those relationships. I watched him and saw how he tried to make up for past sins and saw his children's refusal to forgive him and God used that to convict my heart not to give up on my dad.

The day my daddy died was a beautiful fall day. He was riding on the fender of his beloved John Deere tractor while a friend drove it. The tractor was about 35 years old (Daddy bought it new) and kept slipping out of gear. It slipped out of gear that day and my dad slipped off the fender. His friend grabbed him but my dad slipped from his grasp and fell in front of the tire of the tractor. The tractor slipped back into gear and then ran over him. We all made it to the hospital and watched Dad pass from this life. God blessed that day and that time for me because all of the anger and bitterness were gone and the prayer in my heart was one of thanksgiving to God for having given me this dad and for the fact that we were truly reconciled at his death.

The bible says that if you refuse to forgive your brother here on earth our Father will not forgive you. This is a serious thing. You may say that you have forgiven someone but if you refuse to be in the same room as that person or refuse to speak to that person, you haven't forgiven them. I deal with this in my own life all of the time. I'm as good at denial as anyone. "But he did this, I have a right to be angry", "He didn't ask me to forgive him, therefore I don't have to", "He isn't a Christian, I don't have to forgive him". Guess what....none of those excuses will cut any ice. They may massage your lying heart but you'll still have to answer for your hard heart! May He always convict my hard heart and bring me to "the joy of reconciliation".

Till next time...